Your wedding is not your wedding exclusively…

…it could also be your mom’s or dad’s or the show for anybody else chipping in lots of to-do’s…

Perhaps it’s a (Malay?) girl’s dream come true if she gets to decide everything for her wedding and get everything done according to her plan. But alas, one rarely gets to do so…

Take the program tentative for an instance (which of course remains tentative until today…)

My idea was keeping it short and simple just like I’ve seen a few friends did it. The groom and his rombongan arrives around ten in the morning for the akad, then they will rest for a while in a rumah sanggah nearby, while the groom and the bride change into a different attire for the makan beradat. The groom and his rombongan go back to the bride’s house for the makan beradat, which will be followed by a cake-cutting ceremony. Then the groom’s rombongan can return home and the newlywed can start entertaining guests.

Ayah had another idea – have the akad in the morning with a simple meal of just nasi minyak or nasi beriani for the groom’s rombongan, but the real kenduri will be held later in the evening, from 5 p.m. to 10 p.m. It’s cooler that way, and the atmosphere a bit more relaxed. We can set up a few hawker’s stalls so that we could serve different stuff – char kuey teow, mee rebus, roasted lamb along the customary nasi minyak or beriani and respective lauk.

Yet Mak had another idea – have the akad on the day before the kenduri with a simple meal of plain rice and kampung-style lauk served. Then, on the day of the kenduri itself, we can arrange for a Marhaban session in the morning, the groom and his family accompanied by a procession of kompang players to arrive at noon for the makan beradat, followed by the cake-cutting ceremony. The groom’s rombongan have to come to our place twice, but a few can opt whether to return home and come again or stay for one night at the rumah sanggah.

Mak wins, of course. That’s the reason why the date for nikah in my fiancé’s borang permohonan nikah is the date of the kenduri and not the (revised) date of the akad nikah ceremony.

The reason Mak insisted on having the Marhaban and kompang?

“Walimah kenalah meriah. Ikut hadis, ikut sunnah.”

“But Mak, we are not going to bersanding, so surely we can do away with the pelamin?”
After all, I plan on having a temporary floral arch in the garden for a photo spot.

“Biarlah ada pelamin… Saja suka-suka dengan adik beradik kita je”
Okay...

I think it’s not so much about Mak wanting to show off or anything – it’s just that she wants… no, needs to fulfil some of her own dreams. After all, parents do that – they dream about their eldest child’s wedding long before the child becomes a grown up…

After all, running the wedding is the last thing my parents (and uncles, aunties, cousins, great grandparents, bau-bau bacang relatives and all) can do for me before I officially take on the role of someone else’s isteri, menantu, cucu baru…

So, I’m going to sit back and let Mak do things her way – it is, after all, not just my wedding exclusively…